nat-xo.blogspot.com 🖤

Hello hello!

This prompt... brings back so many regrets. Hahaha.

This brings back memories of the things I've done, but not with 100% effort :

• I've wanted to keep blogging until I became an influencer - then I stopped cause of SPM and so the opportunities stopped as well. My peak was probably the Korea trip hahah! I'll never forget that :)
• YouTube!! I had a streak of posting piano covers before - and then I stopped - again.
• Piano - poverty is a sad thing ha.. ha... ha... and now that I have a keyboard at home it's laziness.

Hello hello!

This post is pretty hard to figure out... Guess it lies in every person eh? Always easier to see the downs of ourselves instead of our ups - and when someone points it out it's kinda difficult to accept it because of our self standards and the "internet standard".

What would I really count as my strength? What am I really good at?

• Self discipline. 
• Being punctual. 
• Following instructions. 
• Making the first conversation (I've made so many friends this way lol). 
• Loyalty (even for games I play the same game for like years before I give it up lol)
• Listening.
• Learning fast. Picking up things easily. Learning from observation.

Hello hello!

Today's topic... is so hard to face with that I've put it off until night time again. Hahahaha.

Where does my pain originate? I think most of it would have come from childhood traumas, or being hurt by negative gossip or comments made about me. Childhood trauma inflicted a lot of pain I guess... the pain of not being heard, not getting enough attention, not having guidance, always being alone... being made to feel that my worries and thoughts amount to nothing,.. the list goes on and on and on. And the only place I can pinpoint to where it all started was the response I get from the people surrounding me during my childhood.

What do I need to heal from it? Closure? Apologies?

I think I recognize how I'm affected by these things and how I just naturally find the exit once I realize that a similar scenario is happening. I just back out completely and try to avoid even being in a similar situation. However I've found some safety zones, or more accurately, safety people. I now have a handful of people who I know will pay attention to me, who will listen to me, who will spend time with me and will be there genuinely for me. New connections and new love turned a lot of my worries into meaningless thoughts.

Of course there are moment where self confidence or simply putting things behind me were a much better solution. I'm trying to write about this in general but... it's hard. Sometimes realizing that other people affect my opinions, judgements, thoughts.. kinda makes me feel like I'm not me. I'm so easily influenced that I wonder if the thoughts I have are actually mine, or were they just placed in my head by someone else?

Well... knowing pain and knowing how to fight it.... is definitely something everyone will go through. We all have our own scars and battles eh?

Goodnight!

Hello hello!

Guess who's finally gotten their vaccine appointment? lol 

I got the notification shortly pass midnight last night... and it wasn't the vaccine that I wanted. But after thinking about it, I'll just accept it and move on. Herd immunity over being selfish eh? I know I won't like the vaccine I'm getting but it's either I take it or I wait an unknown period for another one. *shrugs* They say don't settle, but... oh well.

To answer today's journaling prompt, I actually find myself mostly inspired by the success of other people. I like listening to people's success stories. When they've failed and tried and failed and yet still try again! It's quite inspiring to listen. I know some things by heart. Like do the same things 100 times and you'll get better and attain success! Be consistent and you'll see small changes accumulate into big changes! And more, but sometime hearing other people's struggles and how they finally manage to overcome it, kind of makes it feel OK, that anyone can do it, that I CAN DO IT TOO.

Art wise I do find myself influenced a lot of Chinese, Japanese and Korean art. Especially their traditional wear! I've always had a fancy for their traditional wear. I find it so classy and elegant yet the characters always looks so gorgeous and beautiful! Call this the influence of animes, donghuas, and more - but I'm in love with it to the point I tried making arts base on those references. It's nowhere near as good as I want it to be, but I like it! Aim is to one day own some for myself even if I only wear it at home T.T

I actually almost forgot to type this journaling prompt today. I had some motivation to do some field work today so I left the house... who knew that leaving the house made me forget about my blog... until I was going to shut down the laptop to go to sleep HAHAHA. So here I am, last minute chugging out my inspiration for this blog post.

Another thing that I get inspired by are other's peoples sharings, especially on Instagram or Youtube. I know it's not 100% the truth, as nothing on social media is every 100% as perceived by the eye, but I do like it when they post their journals spreads, their art, their photography, their food reviews, and more! Everyone is a story teller, cause you'll never know what small information you share that will inspire someone else in life.

I wonder if I ever inspired someone else before?

Well, goodnight!

Hello hello!

I'm so exhausted right now. Hahaha. I decided to start a workout challenge today with Hsuen! Day 1 was so hard already, I do hope I grow stronger and am able to finish it strongly instead of like... limping towards the finish line HAHAHA. I managed to squeeze the workout in before my morning meeting so that felt like an achievement of the day for me. I even charged my MiFitBand last night so I can track the calories burnt HAHAHA. 

At this rate... I might even be motivated to do a double workout this evening huhuhu. I know it's not good to overexert the body... but after walking Cuddles in the evening I always feel a little restless if I have extra energy. Maybe a simple stretch workout? Eh. I'll figure it out then hehe.

I had back to back office meetings today and it was... mentally exhausting. That's all I'll say.

Now on to answer today's journaling prompt!

What makes me come alive? When was the last time I felt truly alive?

Firstly... what does it mean to come alive? 

It's another tough question eh?

I like the rush of adrenaline when doing sports. I like the fulfillment and content when I produce a piece of art that I like. I like the feeling of my imagination flowing whenever I read books. I like the thrill when I play games with difficult contents to clear. I like the dopamine burst after finishing an exercise routine. I like chilling and taking pictures with my friends cause we're always having fun. I like cuddling with le boyfie and falling asleep easily cause I feel safe and loved. I like decorating my journals and planners, and of course the stationary shopping that follows!), it makes times pass by so easily.

There's so many things I do with so many feelings involved. I feel alive then.

When was the last time I felt truly alive? I can't quite remember. Possible before the COVID pandemic came and put a lid on everything. Everything I've been feeling was like.. a muted version. I just want this to end, and maybe leaving the house without restrictions will be the heartbeat I need again :) The heartbeat that WE ALL NEED.

Take care :)

Hello hello!

Oh wow! Yesterday's journal prompt was about ideal mornings, and today's prompt is about ideal days. Haha! A continuation eh prompt eh? I likey.

For how my ideal morning would sound like, read this blog post HERE to find out :)

And to continue from that post to fill an entire day.... after the ideal morning routine as in the previous post, I'd probably continue with work if it's a work day. Work days that end with me coming home by early evening so I can take my doggo on a walk, followed by an exercise routine if I didn't get to do it in the morning. A nice rest followed by having dinner, and a shower after feels nice. I like leaving the rest of the night open for free time! I could be catching up on episodes, reading new chapters, binging videos or talking to people, the nights are always where I destress and consume media hahaha. Then I sleep before midnight hehe. 

If I don't have work on that day like most weekends, I'd prefer to replace work time with a good date with le boyfie or my girlfriends! I could also fill up that time with my hobbies, or just chill the whole day. Sometimes, life doesn't have to be so complicated with back-to-back things to do, checking off to-do lists, working that side hustle etc etc. You do you. And I prefer to chill.

If I was motivated to do something I'd probably get on my ass to work it out, but as of now, it's WFH period and lockdowns left and right, I'm still happy with the chill lifestyle. Gives me more time to myself :)

And that's how my ideal day would look like haha! I think I'm a simple person. Same routine every day lol :)

Good night!

Hello hello!

What does my ideal morning look like? Hehe, it'll go a little something like this:

Making my bed.

Getting breakfast.

Reading or writing some affirmations.

A good sweaty morning workout!

Followed by a shower and etc (definitely!)

A nice skin care routine and getting dressed for the day.

Finally, off to do daily work things.

That sums up what an ideal morning looks like for me. Does it happen usually? Yes, when I'm on work from home, it mostly happens in that order (with distractions of course!).

Some distraction include checking phone notifications and chats, opening games for guild events, lazing on the bed before rolling off, and waking up late HAHA. Sometimes after I'm done with the whole routine I have to go down for lunch, not work LOL.

I'm going to try to go back for field work next week onwards. So I'm not even sure how I'll be able to follow this ideal morning routine. I might just have to make my body get used to sleeping early and waking up early! I used to workout early in the mornings (like 7am!) just so I could shower and get ready for work at the usual hours.

If the reason is strong enough, appropriate action should follow right? lol

Knowing myself, I would probably choose extra sleep time in the mornings, and then rotate workouts back into the evening sessions. I find that healthier for my sleep schedule when I'm working. I'll find out how to adjust my ideal morning and evening routines next week hehe.

Take care!

Hello hello!

I had an amazing dream last night about being on a holiday and enjoying sights... until my boyfie called to wake me up HAHAHA. It was 9AM that my holiday ended LMAO. Working from home has really messed up my body clock, if anything. I'm not even sure why I feel so awake at night yet so drained in the morning. I'm half relying on morning workouts to get my engine started and running honestly.... but if I want to maintain that energy when I go back to a regular work cycle... I'm not so sure how to go about it haha.

So what's been draining my energy?

I've honestly used less of social media since WFH life began. And since then I think I only open it during dinner to keep myself occupied LOL. During work on the field I used to open it more often to relieve myself of boredom while waiting. I'm glad I reduced social media time hahaha (although now it's just time replaced by mangas and manhuas and novels and youtube lol) But those don't drain my energy, because I enjoy the content that I'm consuming.

If anything, I got really tired of my game... I used to have so much fun and placed energy in it... I wonder when it got too much? I'm pretty sure I know gacha games have terrible pull rates, but to never pull a banner unit since last year and not being able to catch up with the meta was pretty depressing. I even talked to the guild leader to let me leave, but because we didn't have enough people in the guild he asked me to stay until we get a replacement... I'm just barely doing my dailies and striking for guild events now. Sigh. I don't think I'll be super into the game anymore unless I pull a banner unit I actually LIKE.

I'm not sure what else is sapping my energy though... I probably have alot of calories to burn considering the fact that I'm sitting at home all day lol. I even talked to Hsuen to do a workout challenge program together and she's in for it!! Can't wait to get started haha! Everything works better with a friend hehehe I do hope we both manage to stay committed to it and see it through till the end...

Well.. they say you're only tired easily if you're not doing enough of things that you love or things that make you feel fulfilled. It's time to change my gears then, all my energy isn't going into what I want to build myself into.

Time to get started, again.

Good night!

Hello hello!

Welcome back to another episode of struggling to churn words out for my blog! HAHA.

Nah, I actually had an idea in mind on how to answer today's journaling prompt, but I'm at my boyfriend's place today for lunch and work, so I was delayed in typing this. We ordered some buns from Universal Bakes today to eat, and I loved the cinnamon rolls! The focaccia was good too! Ham roll was a bit underwhelming and we ate the sourdough like bruschetta appetizers for lunch HAHA with meat and vege toppings hehehe.

And well, let's see... if I do have all the time in the world, I'd make money, lots of money HAHAHA. With money I can do anything I want easily!!

I can travel the world, explore every sight and wonder while staying at hidden gems and feasting on great food.

I could take everyone with me without having to worry about additional costs!

I'd get my own place and have fun with home decor and filming...

I could buy endless journaling supplies and paints and have fun churning out my creativity.

I could buy all the books and mangas and manhuas that I love to actually support the writers and artists!

I could go shopping without checking the price tags.

I could enjoy the freedom of life without being bounded by price and money.

Like it or hate it, money is pretty important in the world. Yes it's easy to say that money can't buy happiness, it can't buy health, it can't buy time and more, but it does breach so many barriers that would otherwise prevent one from enjoying all that life has to offer.

What would you do if you had all the time in the world? Hehe.

I hope I can make use of the time I have now... I get distracted so easily by social media huhu.

Goodnight!!

Hello hello!

I almost forgot to type today's journaling prompt... because I was occupied! I recently found a new manhua after someone recommended the light novel to me. While googling I found that it had a manhua and well, just a few chapters wouldn't hurt eh? WRONG. I am now at chapter 146 and even though I'm not exactly a fan of shounen or reverse harem tags.... the storyline is good HAHAHA.

Then I got sidetracked on YouTube because anime journaling videos are somehow addictive to watch. I suddenly got inspired to start my own anime journal... because I have tons of washi tape and stickers lying about... and colour pens... you name it... I might just add a bunch more to my Shopee cart and check out by accident next month.

So what lesson did I learn this week?

Hmmm....

This is pretty hard to put my finger on, because working from home makes me feel numb. Not sure how many of you feel this, but if anything, I'm happy to have found that reading or writing positive affirmations daily have helped improve my mental health even slightly. I could just be parroting sentences over and over, but I do find improvements in my mood after!

I also enjoy slotting in a 30-40 minutes workout to get my body moving. No matter how down I feel, exercising has always helped in lifting my mood, and I don't feel as guilty as I normally would if I had my ass on the bed all day long. I felt like I was actually moving my body and treating it well hahaha. Does that make sense to you?

No matter how down I feel, repeating positive sentences daily, exercising daily, walking Cuddles daily, and drinking lots of water has always been a staple in my week thus far, and I'm enjoying it. I would recommend it to you too! It's a lesson all right, small habits will always accumulate and compound into big changes - physically and mentally.

Another lesson? I get sidetracked and feel "empty" throughout the day if I don't set even a single goal to accomplish. But every time I set a goal, I don't even want to do it sometimes. I always seem to rely on spontaneous motivation and energy to get it done. Maybe I just don't want it bad enough? Sigh. Seems like I'm lost. I don't even know what I truly want to achieve in the long run... and that sucks. I've a simple habit tracker going on for the month of July and so far it's going OK, but when it's done and over I'm lost again. Hahahaha. And just watching anime or reading mangas or light novels isn't enough to give me fulfillment. I probably need to reflect on my life goals and break it down into simpler goals once again.

 Hello hello! ❤

Today's journal prompt seems to have me stuck in a circle once again! Hahaha!

I typed the above sentence this afternoon.... and now it's 10.24PM. I guess I'm a night owl when it comes to blogging HAHAHA. This question now reminds me of a korean variety show where they asked a group of male idols what advice would they give their younger selves (I can't remember which group it was) - but I remember laughing the heck out of it because they just said "BUY BITCOIN". HAHAHAHHA. Wow much trendy such rich advice HAHAHAH I would pass that advice to my younger self too 😂

And because of that sudden memory I do want to tell my younger self to learn how to invest. I grew up in a family situation where money is often a difficult topic to talk about. I only got to do my degree because my stepfather offered to pay for it, and it would've been a different story if I didn't have my stepfather in my life. But now that I'm earning money, I'm still so slow at investing money... I am trying, but still very afraid of the unknown... I'm learning now. But one step at a time. I wish I knew earlier, so all my money could be making more money now. 

Also, don't try so hard to please people. They don't care anyway in the end. You're just becoming a gossip topic for them. People only care about themselves, and therefore you should too. It's ok to put yourself first. That's ALWAYS OK. Always be honest with your feelings. And take care of your body and health. Exercise is your best friend, you'll love it! Keep doing what you love, keep doing what you're passionate about, even if no one else knows why you love it. This is hard, and I'm still keeping a lot of things in the closet. I'm just really envious of people who freely shares everything with the world.

Read more books. You know you love that feeling of being engrossed in a book all day all week long. Don't stop. Doesn't matter if it's fiction, or fantasy or mangas or novels, you know you like to dive into that limitless imaginative world. Read more and fill your soul. It always feels good to put the book down after you're done with that adventure. E-books are fine too, just turn that page daily and you'll enjoy yourself more :) 

Cherish your loved ones. Always make time for them. I know I'm not the most patient person in the entire world but hear them out. Listen, and if you're angry. Don't say things you don't mean just because you're angry. Compose yourself. Apologize if you need to. There's nothing shameful about saying sorry.

I would give myself so much more advice... but I think it'll come out sounding like regrets of things I didn't do in the past. I'll take a step back for now, and maybe revisit this topic some time in the future.

And maybe I'll just end this post without a picture for once. Hehe. I know I'm not happy with the quality of this blog post today... but even that would be advice for myself. To not be such a perfectionist. It's okay to not give my 100% every single time. You'll only get burnout and feel uninspired and want to quit. So I'll just leave this lackluster post here today. As a sign that it's okay. It's okay to feel less than 100% today, it's okay, you did it anyways! It's not the best, it's not perfect, but it's DONE.

And that's all that matters.

Goodnight :)

 Hello hello ❤

Once again.. the journaling prompt of the day made me delay it until night time... 

The topics are getting fairly difficult at this point. I've even read the prompts in advanced for the remaining days and it doesn't get easier. Haha. Well, it's journaling prompts for self discovery. If it's too easy I'm not really digging out my own inner thoughts eh?

I've even posed this question to le boyfie and he's stuck too HAHAHA.

I went on YouTube and Google just to try and see what other people on the Internet would share with the world... but it wasn't a great search result. In the end... I think I do have one message to share with the world, and myself.

It would be to keep doing what you love without caring for other people's opinions.

Often times we've found ourselves influenced by other people, we end up wanting validation or seeking permission to do what we want to do. We want our efforts and choices to be what the herd wants. We don't think it's the right choice because it won't give us likes, or attention, or made into a side hustle or business to generate money. We find so many reasons or excuses to back out of things that we truly want to do, and I hate that. Because I have that same mindset as well. 

I wanted to cosplay, didn't do it because everyone around me didn't seem to look at it in a good way. I admired those in my circle who actually had the guts to do it. I'd probably still remain a closet weeb LOL. Maybe one day I'll just do a self photoshoot at home to tick it off my to do list hahaha.

I want to share my paintings and creations with the world, but I didn't do it because I felt like it wasn't as good as the other beautiful artworks constantly circulating around on social media. It felt like my work was inferior and couldn't compare. So I just kept it to myself and occasionally a few close friends (cause their comments always give me a super confidence boost lol).

I loved making song covers on youtube. I stopped because I started losing confidence... and because I wasn't getting much attention. Maybe it was a bad comment, maybe it was a dislike on the video. Since then I've just stopped completely.

But what I want to convey is that: There will always be someone who disagrees, someone who dislikes it, someone who won't support or says it should generate money and be "sold". There will also be silent stalkers, those who read and see it but won't drop a comment or like or a single response, but they're there and they notice every thing you do. And there will always be people who will support and motivate you even when they have no idea what's good or nice or bad. They just support you because they're nice people and that's honestly so heartwarming.

So I do hope you will get to do what you love, and do it often.

I hope I will do so too. Blogging was one of the things I stopped doing then, and I've picked it up again, even if no one is reading. I do hope I won't get engrossed in the statistics of my blog again and get overwhelmed. I just want to do things that I love, with or without recognition.

I hope you resonated with this, and even if you didn't, I hope you'll find words to cheer someone up in your life who might feel this way as well.

Take care and have a great day ahead :) 

Hello hello! Thanks for reading my journal prompts today! :)

Today was quite a happy day for me. Do you watch Sixth Sense? It's a Korean variety show where they go around determining which out of 3 is the fake one using their sixth sense aka guessing powers HAHA. It cracked me up ever since it's debut episode. I was watching Episode 2 of the second season with le boyfie today. Laughed so hard every few minutes, it's one of my favourites!

And because I spent almost the whole day with le boyfie, I clearly forgot about my daily journal prompts. It's 11.31PM and I hope I'll have enough time to end this blog post today before sleeping hehe.

So who means the world to me and why?

If I have to list it down, the top 3 that comes to my mind are... my family, le boyfie, and my Cuddles!

This one's from my birthday earlier this year when the rules weren't as restricted as it is now. It really meant a lot to have le boyfie plan out so many things for my birthday! So so so grateful to have him in my life! He's been more than my boyfriend. He was my best friend, my other half, my partner in crime, and more! It's been 7 and a half years... and here's to many more years! One of the few people in my life who I can truly be comfortable and just be me :) 

And lastly, my 11 year old baby girl Cuddles! We adopted her when she was only a few months old, and she's been the one accompanying me since secondary school. My sis and I had different school timings back then, so she was my only company. I still remember the days where she'd chew on my fingers with her gums while I was studying for PMR hahaha. Having her around when no one else was was truly what I needed back then. Now, it doesn't feel right if I don't feel her around me when I go to sleep. Yes, she mostly sleeps with me. I just wish she didn't have to give me so many fart bombs....

Do I really need to elaborate the reasons as to why they mean the most to me? Hahaha. I just can't imagine what my life would be today without them in it. Wouldn't have it any other way either. Sometimes you just don't need so many reasons to justify your feelings. You don't need to have a reason or justification. You just need to feel it, and accept it.

❤

 Hello hello!

Welcome back to another journal prompt where I pretend I'm talking to someone about myself hehe. I know not many people are even aware of my blog and reads it, but I like writing this out to lay my thoughts in bare sight. Who knows if the future me will read this and be like, wow, I was like that xx time ago? HAHAHA.

What do I love about myself? Back then I remember I was always super proud of my hair because it was super long and soft (yes thank you conditioner!!), and next after that would be having clear skin most of the time as well as being "smart". What about now? I wonder how much has changed since then.

Honestly I've been putting off trying to write this blog post because I'm not sure what it is I currently love about myself. My hair? I probably dyed and bleached it too much, and my hair falls too much now. I'm losing confidence in it haha. My skin too, the signs of aging and ever darkening eye bags are slowly creeping up on me. Finding faults is always easier eh? 

I've had this post drafted since last night but it's nearly 9PM now and I am still struggling to even answer this question. When was self love so hard?

I love that I still try to pull myself back up no matter how shitty I feel. I know my condition is the best and I'm always looking for ways to help myself back on my feet.

I love that I still take pictures of myself despite knowing that I'm not the prettiest, or that I won't get many "likes" on social media to validate my beauty, because I'm the only hype club I need.

I love that I still continued to like the things I like (even if it's in secret because no one else that I know likes them).

I love that I still listen to Japanese and Korean songs despite not fully understanding the meaning of the songs. Yet the emotions of the songs are still felt. I cry when the song is too sad, and some songs just make me happy immediately!

I love how I'm committed to my games HAHAHA. I literally spend 2-3 years on the same game without bothering about any other new games. My entire uni life was Age of Ishtaria, my work life so far was War of the Visions... and my only mini exception is Ragnarok because it's a game I get to play with le boyfie.

I still... can't name more than this on what I love about myself.. I even asked le boyfie what he loves about me just to get an insight on things that I might not have noticed about myself.. but all he said was "I can always be comfortable and be myself around you". Geez. That just made me feel happy about myself.

I love how I've changed from liking external things about myself, to internal things... just by reading what I've typed.

And it's suddenly past 11PM now... and I still can't come to a proper conclusion on how to end this post. I'll leave it here for now. 

Tata!

Hi! 💓

I just realized that I never shared where I'm getting these journaling prompts from! I'm following this post here by Lavendaire! I used to watch her YouTube videos all the time and listen to her podcasts. I don't know why exactly I stopped, but I like that her content will show up on my recommendation lists every now and then.

So to blog about today's journal prompt.... what are my priorities at the moment? What am I putting first in my life right now? What do I see as so important every day?

I'm sure the answer changes as season changes... but as of right now... only a few things seem to pop up in mind.

Among those priorities are my health, finance and hobbies!

Health wise, I had set back in June, if you've read this blog post here, you'll know that I've had some sort of health complications then. It's pretty human to only cherish the good health whenever we have health issues. We don't seem to appreciate enough what we have daily just because it seems so normal to be able to breathe, to move, to eat, to drink, and to do all our daily activities without a second thought. Only when we're troubled by discomfort or disease that we truly sit down to appreciate the state of good health and a healthy body.

Since then I've tried taking better care of my body. I've been exercising about 5-6 days a week now, I've been taking slightly more health supplements to nourish my body and more! I've tried taking vitamin C as well but I think it's a overkill for my body. It triggers my sinus the next day, same as when I eat oranges lol. My water intake is till roughly 3L a day so I'm not too worried about staying hydrated. I'm not on a diet anymore though, I thought it'd be much better to just eat my mom's cooking. I'll never know when I might not get to taste it anymore.

I've also been trying to take care of my skin! I've had two terrible pimple scars that won't seem to fade as you can try to see in the picture above. I've never really had trouble with my skin thus far but the lack of sleep during those horrible weeks in June have to quite a few pimple scars... It's fading now but I'll just have to maintain my skin care routine and get ample sleep huhu

Finance wise, I'm thankful for people constantly talking about investments and financial topics around me. I've started taking baby steps into making my money work for me! It's now a priority for me to set aside a fixed amount every month now for that, and I'm sure it'll only go up from there. Nothing major yet, but it's only been a few months. The returns I'm getting now are pretty good, can't wait to see how much this will accumulate and compound into in the next 5-10 years. I still monitor and record my finance daily so I end the month on a positive though! I hate it when it dips into the negative... Nobody likes that. Hahaha.

Hobbies... My hobbies tend to take a sharp turn every season. Sometimes I do too much and get bored, and I jump into the next wagon to keep myself entertained. Currently I'm interested in reading fictional books again! I'm currently addicted to the Eighty-Six Light Novel by Naoto Naoto, because of the anime episodes I watched last season! It was so good I just had to pick up the novel. I'm reading the latest volume right now, volume 7, ever so slowly because I can't find Vol 8 anywhere on the Internet, yet. 

Thanks to the current "stay at home" lockdowns that won't give me much chances to go out, I get to set aside time for my "self care" routine, which is now a priority since it's one of the few things that are keeping me sane. 

What are you doing to keep yourself happy at the moment? I know everyone is tired of lockdowns and just want to be a normal human being again like in 2019 lol. 

Let's meet up once this is all over and chill over a cup of coffee at a nice cafe yea?

I miss social interactions. (And interaction with the same people at home daily doesn't count eh?)

Take care!

P/S: I know the pictures I post constantly have nothing to do with the content of the blog post, but I can't help but feel my posts look sort of "empty" without pictures to fill it up with. Plus I do like taking pictures but I don't want to spam Instagram with constant selfies hence they all end up in a blog post without much context lol.

Ok bye!

Hello! :)

Hope you're having a great day thus far! Today's journaling prompt seems like it's gonna be a touch cookie to crack... until I read a post this morning. Which might or might not trigger a long rant post again...

I was reading a post by FourFeetNine earlier. It hit home right on the dot so I shared the post as well. I do hope you take a little bit of time to read it... because I felt the same way. Was it really OK for me to be smiling and happy and posting happy content while the rest of the country is suffering from COVID and it's aftereffects? 

I did probably did mention this in a few posts but I do count myself lucky and privileged to have the luxury of being physically and financially fine during this pandemic. I'm beyond thankful to be able to be where I am today, while many others aren't as lucky. And still, is it all right for me to take a deep breathe and exhale because I don't suffer from the biting effects of the pandemic? There's this tinge of guilt and uneasiness that hits whenever I want to share or post happy content... because it feels like I shouldn't be doing so?

I'm not sure how many of you understand what I'm feeling. Maybe that's why I resorted to blogging.. because after years of not blogging... I'm pretty sure hardly anyone comes here to read anymore... and I can express myself a bit more freely (although if you ARE reading, thank you for sparing me your attention!!). This is one of the many feelings that have been bothering my ever since the pandemic dragged on for over a year. Is it OK  for me to be one of the happy ones on social media when everyone is just tired and raging every day? I don't know anymore. And probably neither do you.

I'm also being bothered at how small my social circle is... at how... "close" my friendships are. Sometimes I sit back and just realize that I barely know my friends anymore. We do talk and catch up occasionally, but the gap between the times we meet up and don't... drags me to dust. Am I such a bad friend? I know deep down I've always been replaced by the better people in their lives, and I'll just be a memory of the "past times" we've had together. Yet I'm not a choice to be taken with you in the Present and Future, because of who I am. 

This issue has been following like the plague since I was a small kid. I'm not kidding you. I know I'm quiet, less social, always with a RBF and "lan ci" kind of face showing if I'm not purposely smiling, probably quite unapproachable and being the introvert that I am... I'm probably not your first choice of friend anyway. I've always wanted to change that bit of me but it's mentally challenging. My mind blacks out after an hour of interaction at most and I revert back to hide in my social shell. 

Have I mentioned before that I am aware of when I am being left out on purpose? When I'm not invited to certain events on purpose? When I'm not in group chats? When there's inside jokes or small throwbacks to times when I wasn't there? I can feel it all. The distance. I know people try to hide it from me. Not post events to stories until it's a throwback. Saying sorry after for the bojio and more. I'm tired. I'm glad I stopped bothering honestly, but it still hits me again, am I such a terrible person to have around? *shrugs* I don't even think I want to know the answer to that.

I'm sorry if I've been such a terrible friend... but I'll still cover your back if you need me. Heck, I probably say YES to almost any gathering or outings if I'm asked to attend. It's those moments that make me happier and believe more in friendships. 

Sorry for such a "down" post today! I've sneaked a peak at tomorrow's journal prompt and it should be a more happier toned blog post hehe.

Take care and good night 💓

 Hello!! 

Can I just say that a good morning workout is one of the best ways to wake up and start the day? Also because I get to wash my hair right after and it stays fluffy all day. If I wash it the night before, it kinda falls flat the next afternoon. Do you get this too? Hahahah. 

And now... what exactly are small victories? I had to google this one because I seem to only know victories as a collective. Lifehack says small victories are "anything you accomplish that aligns with your intentions. They can be related to work, personal or professional relationships, habit changes, and or finances."

And with that as reference... some small victories to celebrate eh?

• I have a better morning routine now. I no longer rush or drag myself forcefully out of bed... that's a win for me :)
• I have implemented a daily exercise routine in my life. Spending 30-40 minutes minimum has done wonders for me!
• I'm cutting back on clutter and I've been keeping my space more tidy and organized. Heck I've even cleared out my google photos, organized my browser bookmarks and reduced the number of tabs I have open. (If you know me, I always have plenty of open tabs haha)
• I've managed to consistently set aside money for investments! I didn't automate it yet so I could adjust it to my monthly spending, but I'm glad I made it a priority.
• Yesterday I adjusted some coding issues on the blog templates! Now it's working properly again!
• I'm feeling proud of myself for consistently using my Mossery planner this year... maybe it's because I'm always at home but I'm actually using it more often than the past 2 years!
• I've changed my skincare to a more natural option!
• I'm happy that I've explore more new local small businesses to support! I've actually fell in love with a bunch of em too

Still... I'm glad to be blessed by the Universe to be where I am today. Once again, thank you for reading my journal prompts posts and I'll see you tomorrow! :)

On another note... I'm still on the fence on getting a tripod... It'll be so much easier to take my own picture and OOTDs yet I wonder if it'll be worth the price. But using the rear camera makes my pictures look better huhuhu but also much harder to take a decent picture with since I'm going in blind.. We shall see if I cave in to make that purchase HAHAHA.

Take care till tmr lovelies!

Hello! I hope you're doing well and feeling happy today!

I woke up feeling great, and managed to drag myself into a 20 minute morning workout to get my systems up and running. For some reason, morning workouts always seem to make my days start better, even if it means I have to wash and dry my hair in the mornings haha. Drying long hair takes up so much time you know???

Anyways the journaling prompt for today makes me reminiscence so many wonderful things that have happened over the week. Shall we get started with my list of joy this week? Hehe!

When I get to watch anime and movies with moomoo

ROX gaming (brings back those Ragnarok days hahaha)

Talking to my WOTV community peeps on discord

Seeing thatlittlepuff's reels on Instagram (highly recommend the best cat chef!)

Anyone sending me cute funny reels or memes (yes thanks besties)

Getting my Shopee parcels ufufufu

Reviving my blog to blog again + updating my blog template! It's just the right balance of pretty, minimalist and simple!

When TingTing made me a cake

Finishing volumes of 86 light novel (currently at vol7 now!)

Catching up with the latest animes (so many shows to watch!!)

Reading Tokyo Revengers till the latest chapter (and now I'm sad that I gotta wait for more chapters)

Watching random Youtube videos that I subscribe to (I laugh a lot and just genuinely enjoy content from worldofxtra worldofmama heyitsfeiii peach amberscholl itsjinakim oanh wassupman shorteview miamaples and more) Sorry if it suddenly turned into a YouTube recommendation list lol!!

Doing daily workout videos! (thanks OppServe and GrowWithJo)

Getting collagen drinks and more from Rixile.co

When moomoo bought hot chocolate powder for me :D 

When Cuddles accidently fell off the bed while asleep 

Honestly right now I can't even tell if this is last week's or 2 week's worth of joy that's condensing into a single week. Pandemic lockdowns have really blurred the lines between days and weeks... I was even writing entries in July but I wrote the date as JUNE??? Yup... so many good things to look back on for this week. I'm pretty sure there's more joyful events and happenings that might have slipped my mind, but I like these kinds of journaling prompts that just make you see the good in the daily happenings!

I'm so sorry if my picture qualities are still quite bad... I'm gonna try to invest in a proper tripod so I don't have to rely on front camera quality HAHAHA. Here's a mlem Cuddles picture to end this post with. She's been in heat for awhile now... I hope it ends soon...

Take care! See you tmr :)

 Hello Day 5 of the Journaling Prompts series!

I'm liking this habit of journaling online daily. Gets some of the negative feelings out of my system! It feels like a habit I would want to instill into my daily life. Honestly I would like to do some of those actual journaling in journals with stickers and washi and all those journal decorations but I know myself, I'd get too lazy, and it brings out the perfectionist on how everything has to be "perfect" in that journal. At least blogging about it won't get me irritated by my own handwriting hahaha. Sometimes I wonder how much practice people put into achieving that aesthetic handwriting... *shrugs*

Now to get to the 10 things I'm grateful for... (which to me might seem repetitive because I've been mentioning it in the past few journaling posts as well!)

    1. I'm grateful for good health and a healthy body.

    2. I'm grateful for loving, healthy relationships in my life.

    3. I'm grateful to have a wonderful paying career with supportive colleagues.

    4. I'm grateful to have a place to call home with food on the table.

    5. I'm grateful to have zero financial worries, with spare to invest with.

    6. I'm grateful to have a wonderful online community to connect with during the pandemic.

    7. I'm grateful for the many books and podcasts that I can feed my soul with.

    8. I'm grateful for the workout programmes to keep my body moving daily.

    9. I'm grateful for the technology and social media and apps that allow communications daily!

    10. I'm grateful for choosing to revive my blog, even if no one reads it (hehe)

Now... that was a little harder than I expected it to be. Since I end up combining a few related things together, I actually froze at 7 things... had to crack my head for the last 3 things hehe. What about you? Did you take time to think what you're grateful for today? I usually have a gratitude app on my phone to remind myself to list down at least 3 things I'm grateful for on that specific day. I even have the reminder notification set daily so that I won't miss a day. I find a great way to end the day before sleeping. You should try it too! I highly recommend it :)

#10 might seem a little weird to you guys but... blogging was once my pride HAHAHA. It was the medium that secured me a trip to Korea for free, that got me invitations to events, that led me to met other people, and even today I wondered why I stopped...

I was super excited back then, I'd bug my mom to get a camera for me (twice!), and happily take pictures of almost everything everyday. I probably annoyed a lot of people, but at the same time I'm glad that I have a lot of pictures to look back on during those times... I stopped using the cameras once phone cameras became the "new camera" and well... that's what I'm using today haha!

Blogs aren't mainstream now but I did enjoy reading many people's contents back in the old days. Where people used to blog freely about their emotions without a care in the world. Being emo or happy or sad or just anything - putting in down in black and white made it all easier. Publish the post and that's that! Was so much better than Twitter. I quit twitter when I realized I was only using it to vent feelings and frustrations... it turned into an app I'd reach for only when I'm down and under, and I never want to always feel like that. So I got rid of Twitter from my phone hahaha.

Welp I'll stop here for today. Thank you for reading and I hope you get to list down things that you're grateful for today :)

 Hello again!

I'm full of energy now thanks to a productive morning! I missed my workout session yesterday evening, so for today I decided to go all out and did my workout first thing in the morning. Morning sweat sessions are always a great energy booster for the rest of my day hehe.

Then I had a cake pick up to do at Sunway! Thank you Ting Ting for the cake!! It's so pretty right? Here's a delicious picture for you to feast your eyes on.

So back to the journaling prompt today. What is going right in my life? 

I am quite happy with my life right now. I don't know what is going "right" or "wrong" as I can never tell what the future will bring but I'm positively happy!

I have a room to live in.

I have a car to drive

I am debt free.

I have a job and was promoted last year.

I am still getting paid despite the pandemic.

My loved ones are alive and well.

I have time to read, paint, workout, aka time for self love.

I have enough money to save and invest.

I have a positive mindset to face life head on.

I could list so many more things that I think is going right in my life... and yet at the same time all that I have could be a luxury for many others. I am just beyond grateful for everything I'm blessed with. The only thing that isn't going right would be my social life and the lack of proper "work" I have to do to keep my job. But I'm more than grateful. Life has to be balanced after all.

And I am just so so so grateful to be in a better position that many others. I do try to buy from small businesses every month. And I do try to share about them on my social media as well, but I'm not all that active on social media these days. Endless scrolling doesn't make me feel like I'm using my time right. If you are running a small business and I haven't reached out to support you yet... I am probably waiting for the time or reason to buy (or just selflessly promote yourself in my DMs hehe).

 Hello again! Today is Day 2 of the journaling prompts! What do I need more of in my life? The answer changes depending on who I am the current moment I guess.

If I was still in a busy state of work (like before lockdown), I'd want more time and energy.

If I was constantly worried over finances, I'd want more money.

If I was always in a bad mood, I'd want more relaxation and rest days.

The list goes on.

But right now? I'm in a state of languish. Languish is the lack of motivation, aim and happiness. I was constantly feeling this way since the lockdowns started, never knew the right term or word for it until Mossery posted about it yesterday on Instagram. Absence of purpose. That really sums up my lockdown. My work requires full time field work for me to be effective spending time. Sales work... is so much more productive with face to face meetings and body language ques, and being there to understand my clients better. It's just so different.

And so I've been spending more time playing games, reading books, watching YouTube videos, scrolling social media, occasionally painting or completing dot-to-dot pages, etc. I feel like I'm constantly in a state of flow without purpose.

I need purpose in my life for me. I wake up not knowing what I want to be doing. And it feels so empty. Some days I try to set goals for myself. Paint a page. Read a chapter. Complete the quests on the game. But it still feels like it's not a proper purpose in my life. It's not the steps to the big picture that I want. Being at home all time is nice and relaxing at first but once you're forced to stay at home? That's a different story alltogether.

I feel like I finally have time to do things that I've forgotten I love. Like painting. I still don't do it as often as I'd like because... well.. technology and being surrounded by screens... But I am thankful for time to enjoy my hobbies again. I wish I had more motivation to do this on a constant basis. Maybe then my skills would actually improve instead of being roughly the same...? Also my supplies are getting old... 

Maybe that's why I'm doing this 30 day journaling prompt challenge. To give some purpose into my daily life. Waking up knowing "I have to blog about this topic today!", sorta gives me something to look forward to later in the day. Even while typing this, I'm taking mini breaks in between. I'm even on a 4 weeks workout challenge at the moment! So far I'm on Day 25 and I'm loving the results I'm seeing despite not being on a proper diet or eating clean. I just needed a plan or schedule to follow to keep my body active during the lockdowns. Know what I mean?

I find these challenges much easier to do if I have a partner or friend doing it with me. But right now I'm doing it all alone hahaha. At the end of the day, I'm alone but not lonely. 

I want more social connections too. Staying at home all the time... I feel like I've forgotten how to speak to people. How to naturally be friends with people. How to start conversations to learn more about people. Please teach me how to be friends with people again... I feel so awkward talking to people now. As in physically talking. It's like my throat has forgotten how to speak.

I was walking Cuddles the other day, and I tried to greet the other people on their walks or exercise. I literally said "Morning!" when it's evening... and the uncle just smiled and nodded back at me. That was embarassing, not knowing what time of the day it is. Most other times all I do is smile and wave to the other folks. It's nice when they do the same nod and wave back. I haven't managed to go past that though. Occasionally it's just a few words of exchange, but I still don't know their names hahaha. Then again I only talk with like 2-3 people on a daily basis (le boyfie included) so I guess having a small circle is ok too. I'm sorry if I'm such a bad friend hahaha.

Well.. I guess I'm ending this blog post here.

Right now I need more aim and goals in my life, more social connections, and more purpose! Currently doing 2 types of challenges to keep myself in sync with life, maybe I'll pick another challenge up for my own wellbeing. Feel free to suggest any challenges that are good to do! :)