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Hello hello!

Such a rainy morning today I actually turned off all my alarms while expecting another alarm to ring HAHA. Rainy mornings are so dangerous... I just don't check the alarm times and go back to snooze. Thankfully le boyfie is still on auto morning calls HAHA so I managed to heavily drag myself off the bed.

Hmmmm... when I have done something that I thought I couldn't do? So many times actually. HAHA. I only kept doing on thanks to compliments, praises, support, love, and other wonderful positive spices that magically give me the energy to go to the finish line. Here are some of my top memorable "WOW, I actually did it?" moments (lol)

• Getting #1 in the whole high sch HAHA cause in primary it was impossible for me to even break top 5 
• Pushing through a tough workout I didn't expect to finish
• Lose stubborn weight and getting abs HAHAHA
• Reading non-fiction books on my own interest - because I used to find them so BORING.
• Winning competitions!
• Carrying my team
• Drawing and painting pieces I'm proud of
• Learning Japanese basic kana
• Going rounds and rounds at buffets HAHA
• Saying No.

Sometimes it's nothing much, other times it's just WOW WTF NANI JUST HAPPENED?

Hahahaha. It's fun... to realize that sometimes the only thing limiting our achievements... is our own actions and thoughts and mindset!

This is the second last post of the journalling series! Tomorrow will be the last of the journaling prompts and then I will probably slow down my blog updates to what I truly want to be sharing about. I am currently trying to get back my work-life balance, it's been too life balanced thus far HAHAHA.

I shall see you in the blog post tmr! Tata!

Hello hello!

This prompt... brings back so many regrets. Hahaha.

This brings back memories of the things I've done, but not with 100% effort :

• I've wanted to keep blogging until I became an influencer - then I stopped cause of SPM and so the opportunities stopped as well. My peak was probably the Korea trip hahah! I'll never forget that :)
• YouTube!! I had a streak of posting piano covers before - and then I stopped - again.
• Piano - poverty is a sad thing ha.. ha... ha... and now that I have a keyboard at home it's laziness.

Hello hello!

This post is pretty hard to figure out... Guess it lies in every person eh? Always easier to see the downs of ourselves instead of our ups - and when someone points it out it's kinda difficult to accept it because of our self standards and the "internet standard".

What would I really count as my strength? What am I really good at?

• Self discipline. 
• Being punctual. 
• Following instructions. 
• Making the first conversation (I've made so many friends this way lol). 
• Loyalty (even for games I play the same game for like years before I give it up lol)
• Listening.
• Learning fast. Picking up things easily. Learning from observation.

Hello hello!

Today's topic... is so hard to face with that I've put it off until night time again. Hahahaha.

Where does my pain originate? I think most of it would have come from childhood traumas, or being hurt by negative gossip or comments made about me. Childhood trauma inflicted a lot of pain I guess... the pain of not being heard, not getting enough attention, not having guidance, always being alone... being made to feel that my worries and thoughts amount to nothing,.. the list goes on and on and on. And the only place I can pinpoint to where it all started was the response I get from the people surrounding me during my childhood.

What do I need to heal from it? Closure? Apologies?

I think I recognize how I'm affected by these things and how I just naturally find the exit once I realize that a similar scenario is happening. I just back out completely and try to avoid even being in a similar situation. However I've found some safety zones, or more accurately, safety people. I now have a handful of people who I know will pay attention to me, who will listen to me, who will spend time with me and will be there genuinely for me. New connections and new love turned a lot of my worries into meaningless thoughts.

Of course there are moment where self confidence or simply putting things behind me were a much better solution. I'm trying to write about this in general but... it's hard. Sometimes realizing that other people affect my opinions, judgements, thoughts.. kinda makes me feel like I'm not me. I'm so easily influenced that I wonder if the thoughts I have are actually mine, or were they just placed in my head by someone else?

Well... knowing pain and knowing how to fight it.... is definitely something everyone will go through. We all have our own scars and battles eh?

Goodnight!

Hello hello!

Guess who's finally gotten their vaccine appointment? lol 

I got the notification shortly pass midnight last night... and it wasn't the vaccine that I wanted. But after thinking about it, I'll just accept it and move on. Herd immunity over being selfish eh? I know I won't like the vaccine I'm getting but it's either I take it or I wait an unknown period for another one. *shrugs* They say don't settle, but... oh well.

To answer today's journaling prompt, I actually find myself mostly inspired by the success of other people. I like listening to people's success stories. When they've failed and tried and failed and yet still try again! It's quite inspiring to listen. I know some things by heart. Like do the same things 100 times and you'll get better and attain success! Be consistent and you'll see small changes accumulate into big changes! And more, but sometime hearing other people's struggles and how they finally manage to overcome it, kind of makes it feel OK, that anyone can do it, that I CAN DO IT TOO.

Art wise I do find myself influenced a lot of Chinese, Japanese and Korean art. Especially their traditional wear! I've always had a fancy for their traditional wear. I find it so classy and elegant yet the characters always looks so gorgeous and beautiful! Call this the influence of animes, donghuas, and more - but I'm in love with it to the point I tried making arts base on those references. It's nowhere near as good as I want it to be, but I like it! Aim is to one day own some for myself even if I only wear it at home T.T

I actually almost forgot to type this journaling prompt today. I had some motivation to do some field work today so I left the house... who knew that leaving the house made me forget about my blog... until I was going to shut down the laptop to go to sleep HAHAHA. So here I am, last minute chugging out my inspiration for this blog post.

Another thing that I get inspired by are other's peoples sharings, especially on Instagram or Youtube. I know it's not 100% the truth, as nothing on social media is every 100% as perceived by the eye, but I do like it when they post their journals spreads, their art, their photography, their food reviews, and more! Everyone is a story teller, cause you'll never know what small information you share that will inspire someone else in life.

I wonder if I ever inspired someone else before?

Well, goodnight!

Hello hello!

I'm so exhausted right now. Hahaha. I decided to start a workout challenge today with Hsuen! Day 1 was so hard already, I do hope I grow stronger and am able to finish it strongly instead of like... limping towards the finish line HAHAHA. I managed to squeeze the workout in before my morning meeting so that felt like an achievement of the day for me. I even charged my MiFitBand last night so I can track the calories burnt HAHAHA. 

At this rate... I might even be motivated to do a double workout this evening huhuhu. I know it's not good to overexert the body... but after walking Cuddles in the evening I always feel a little restless if I have extra energy. Maybe a simple stretch workout? Eh. I'll figure it out then hehe.

I had back to back office meetings today and it was... mentally exhausting. That's all I'll say.

Now on to answer today's journaling prompt!

What makes me come alive? When was the last time I felt truly alive?

Firstly... what does it mean to come alive? 

It's another tough question eh?

I like the rush of adrenaline when doing sports. I like the fulfillment and content when I produce a piece of art that I like. I like the feeling of my imagination flowing whenever I read books. I like the thrill when I play games with difficult contents to clear. I like the dopamine burst after finishing an exercise routine. I like chilling and taking pictures with my friends cause we're always having fun. I like cuddling with le boyfie and falling asleep easily cause I feel safe and loved. I like decorating my journals and planners, and of course the stationary shopping that follows!), it makes times pass by so easily.

There's so many things I do with so many feelings involved. I feel alive then.

When was the last time I felt truly alive? I can't quite remember. Possible before the COVID pandemic came and put a lid on everything. Everything I've been feeling was like.. a muted version. I just want this to end, and maybe leaving the house without restrictions will be the heartbeat I need again :) The heartbeat that WE ALL NEED.

Take care :)

Hello hello!

Oh wow! Yesterday's journal prompt was about ideal mornings, and today's prompt is about ideal days. Haha! A continuation eh prompt eh? I likey.

For how my ideal morning would sound like, read this blog post HERE to find out :)

And to continue from that post to fill an entire day.... after the ideal morning routine as in the previous post, I'd probably continue with work if it's a work day. Work days that end with me coming home by early evening so I can take my doggo on a walk, followed by an exercise routine if I didn't get to do it in the morning. A nice rest followed by having dinner, and a shower after feels nice. I like leaving the rest of the night open for free time! I could be catching up on episodes, reading new chapters, binging videos or talking to people, the nights are always where I destress and consume media hahaha. Then I sleep before midnight hehe. 

If I don't have work on that day like most weekends, I'd prefer to replace work time with a good date with le boyfie or my girlfriends! I could also fill up that time with my hobbies, or just chill the whole day. Sometimes, life doesn't have to be so complicated with back-to-back things to do, checking off to-do lists, working that side hustle etc etc. You do you. And I prefer to chill.

If I was motivated to do something I'd probably get on my ass to work it out, but as of now, it's WFH period and lockdowns left and right, I'm still happy with the chill lifestyle. Gives me more time to myself :)

And that's how my ideal day would look like haha! I think I'm a simple person. Same routine every day lol :)

Good night!

Hello hello!

What does my ideal morning look like? Hehe, it'll go a little something like this:

Making my bed.

Getting breakfast.

Reading or writing some affirmations.

A good sweaty morning workout!

Followed by a shower and etc (definitely!)

A nice skin care routine and getting dressed for the day.

Finally, off to do daily work things.

That sums up what an ideal morning looks like for me. Does it happen usually? Yes, when I'm on work from home, it mostly happens in that order (with distractions of course!).

Some distraction include checking phone notifications and chats, opening games for guild events, lazing on the bed before rolling off, and waking up late HAHA. Sometimes after I'm done with the whole routine I have to go down for lunch, not work LOL.

I'm going to try to go back for field work next week onwards. So I'm not even sure how I'll be able to follow this ideal morning routine. I might just have to make my body get used to sleeping early and waking up early! I used to workout early in the mornings (like 7am!) just so I could shower and get ready for work at the usual hours.

If the reason is strong enough, appropriate action should follow right? lol

Knowing myself, I would probably choose extra sleep time in the mornings, and then rotate workouts back into the evening sessions. I find that healthier for my sleep schedule when I'm working. I'll find out how to adjust my ideal morning and evening routines next week hehe.

Take care!

Hello hello!

I had an amazing dream last night about being on a holiday and enjoying sights... until my boyfie called to wake me up HAHAHA. It was 9AM that my holiday ended LMAO. Working from home has really messed up my body clock, if anything. I'm not even sure why I feel so awake at night yet so drained in the morning. I'm half relying on morning workouts to get my engine started and running honestly.... but if I want to maintain that energy when I go back to a regular work cycle... I'm not so sure how to go about it haha.

So what's been draining my energy?

I've honestly used less of social media since WFH life began. And since then I think I only open it during dinner to keep myself occupied LOL. During work on the field I used to open it more often to relieve myself of boredom while waiting. I'm glad I reduced social media time hahaha (although now it's just time replaced by mangas and manhuas and novels and youtube lol) But those don't drain my energy, because I enjoy the content that I'm consuming.

If anything, I got really tired of my game... I used to have so much fun and placed energy in it... I wonder when it got too much? I'm pretty sure I know gacha games have terrible pull rates, but to never pull a banner unit since last year and not being able to catch up with the meta was pretty depressing. I even talked to the guild leader to let me leave, but because we didn't have enough people in the guild he asked me to stay until we get a replacement... I'm just barely doing my dailies and striking for guild events now. Sigh. I don't think I'll be super into the game anymore unless I pull a banner unit I actually LIKE.

I'm not sure what else is sapping my energy though... I probably have alot of calories to burn considering the fact that I'm sitting at home all day lol. I even talked to Hsuen to do a workout challenge program together and she's in for it!! Can't wait to get started haha! Everything works better with a friend hehehe I do hope we both manage to stay committed to it and see it through till the end...

Well.. they say you're only tired easily if you're not doing enough of things that you love or things that make you feel fulfilled. It's time to change my gears then, all my energy isn't going into what I want to build myself into.

Time to get started, again.

Good night!

Hello hello!

Welcome back to another episode of struggling to churn words out for my blog! HAHA.

Nah, I actually had an idea in mind on how to answer today's journaling prompt, but I'm at my boyfriend's place today for lunch and work, so I was delayed in typing this. We ordered some buns from Universal Bakes today to eat, and I loved the cinnamon rolls! The focaccia was good too! Ham roll was a bit underwhelming and we ate the sourdough like bruschetta appetizers for lunch HAHA with meat and vege toppings hehehe.

And well, let's see... if I do have all the time in the world, I'd make money, lots of money HAHAHA. With money I can do anything I want easily!!

I can travel the world, explore every sight and wonder while staying at hidden gems and feasting on great food.

I could take everyone with me without having to worry about additional costs!

I'd get my own place and have fun with home decor and filming...

I could buy endless journaling supplies and paints and have fun churning out my creativity.

I could buy all the books and mangas and manhuas that I love to actually support the writers and artists!

I could go shopping without checking the price tags.

I could enjoy the freedom of life without being bounded by price and money.

Like it or hate it, money is pretty important in the world. Yes it's easy to say that money can't buy happiness, it can't buy health, it can't buy time and more, but it does breach so many barriers that would otherwise prevent one from enjoying all that life has to offer.

What would you do if you had all the time in the world? Hehe.

I hope I can make use of the time I have now... I get distracted so easily by social media huhu.

Goodnight!!

Hello hello!

I almost forgot to type today's journaling prompt... because I was occupied! I recently found a new manhua after someone recommended the light novel to me. While googling I found that it had a manhua and well, just a few chapters wouldn't hurt eh? WRONG. I am now at chapter 146 and even though I'm not exactly a fan of shounen or reverse harem tags.... the storyline is good HAHAHA.

Then I got sidetracked on YouTube because anime journaling videos are somehow addictive to watch. I suddenly got inspired to start my own anime journal... because I have tons of washi tape and stickers lying about... and colour pens... you name it... I might just add a bunch more to my Shopee cart and check out by accident next month.

So what lesson did I learn this week?

Hmmm....

This is pretty hard to put my finger on, because working from home makes me feel numb. Not sure how many of you feel this, but if anything, I'm happy to have found that reading or writing positive affirmations daily have helped improve my mental health even slightly. I could just be parroting sentences over and over, but I do find improvements in my mood after!

I also enjoy slotting in a 30-40 minutes workout to get my body moving. No matter how down I feel, exercising has always helped in lifting my mood, and I don't feel as guilty as I normally would if I had my ass on the bed all day long. I felt like I was actually moving my body and treating it well hahaha. Does that make sense to you?

No matter how down I feel, repeating positive sentences daily, exercising daily, walking Cuddles daily, and drinking lots of water has always been a staple in my week thus far, and I'm enjoying it. I would recommend it to you too! It's a lesson all right, small habits will always accumulate and compound into big changes - physically and mentally.

Another lesson? I get sidetracked and feel "empty" throughout the day if I don't set even a single goal to accomplish. But every time I set a goal, I don't even want to do it sometimes. I always seem to rely on spontaneous motivation and energy to get it done. Maybe I just don't want it bad enough? Sigh. Seems like I'm lost. I don't even know what I truly want to achieve in the long run... and that sucks. I've a simple habit tracker going on for the month of July and so far it's going OK, but when it's done and over I'm lost again. Hahahaha. And just watching anime or reading mangas or light novels isn't enough to give me fulfillment. I probably need to reflect on my life goals and break it down into simpler goals once again.

 Hello hello! ❤

Today's journal prompt seems to have me stuck in a circle once again! Hahaha!

I typed the above sentence this afternoon.... and now it's 10.24PM. I guess I'm a night owl when it comes to blogging HAHAHA. This question now reminds me of a korean variety show where they asked a group of male idols what advice would they give their younger selves (I can't remember which group it was) - but I remember laughing the heck out of it because they just said "BUY BITCOIN". HAHAHAHHA. Wow much trendy such rich advice HAHAHAH I would pass that advice to my younger self too 😂

And because of that sudden memory I do want to tell my younger self to learn how to invest. I grew up in a family situation where money is often a difficult topic to talk about. I only got to do my degree because my stepfather offered to pay for it, and it would've been a different story if I didn't have my stepfather in my life. But now that I'm earning money, I'm still so slow at investing money... I am trying, but still very afraid of the unknown... I'm learning now. But one step at a time. I wish I knew earlier, so all my money could be making more money now. 

Also, don't try so hard to please people. They don't care anyway in the end. You're just becoming a gossip topic for them. People only care about themselves, and therefore you should too. It's ok to put yourself first. That's ALWAYS OK. Always be honest with your feelings. And take care of your body and health. Exercise is your best friend, you'll love it! Keep doing what you love, keep doing what you're passionate about, even if no one else knows why you love it. This is hard, and I'm still keeping a lot of things in the closet. I'm just really envious of people who freely shares everything with the world.

Read more books. You know you love that feeling of being engrossed in a book all day all week long. Don't stop. Doesn't matter if it's fiction, or fantasy or mangas or novels, you know you like to dive into that limitless imaginative world. Read more and fill your soul. It always feels good to put the book down after you're done with that adventure. E-books are fine too, just turn that page daily and you'll enjoy yourself more :) 

Cherish your loved ones. Always make time for them. I know I'm not the most patient person in the entire world but hear them out. Listen, and if you're angry. Don't say things you don't mean just because you're angry. Compose yourself. Apologize if you need to. There's nothing shameful about saying sorry.

I would give myself so much more advice... but I think it'll come out sounding like regrets of things I didn't do in the past. I'll take a step back for now, and maybe revisit this topic some time in the future.

And maybe I'll just end this post without a picture for once. Hehe. I know I'm not happy with the quality of this blog post today... but even that would be advice for myself. To not be such a perfectionist. It's okay to not give my 100% every single time. You'll only get burnout and feel uninspired and want to quit. So I'll just leave this lackluster post here today. As a sign that it's okay. It's okay to feel less than 100% today, it's okay, you did it anyways! It's not the best, it's not perfect, but it's DONE.

And that's all that matters.

Goodnight :)

 Hello hello ❤

Once again.. the journaling prompt of the day made me delay it until night time... 

The topics are getting fairly difficult at this point. I've even read the prompts in advanced for the remaining days and it doesn't get easier. Haha. Well, it's journaling prompts for self discovery. If it's too easy I'm not really digging out my own inner thoughts eh?

I've even posed this question to le boyfie and he's stuck too HAHAHA.

I went on YouTube and Google just to try and see what other people on the Internet would share with the world... but it wasn't a great search result. In the end... I think I do have one message to share with the world, and myself.

It would be to keep doing what you love without caring for other people's opinions.

Often times we've found ourselves influenced by other people, we end up wanting validation or seeking permission to do what we want to do. We want our efforts and choices to be what the herd wants. We don't think it's the right choice because it won't give us likes, or attention, or made into a side hustle or business to generate money. We find so many reasons or excuses to back out of things that we truly want to do, and I hate that. Because I have that same mindset as well. 

I wanted to cosplay, didn't do it because everyone around me didn't seem to look at it in a good way. I admired those in my circle who actually had the guts to do it. I'd probably still remain a closet weeb LOL. Maybe one day I'll just do a self photoshoot at home to tick it off my to do list hahaha.

I want to share my paintings and creations with the world, but I didn't do it because I felt like it wasn't as good as the other beautiful artworks constantly circulating around on social media. It felt like my work was inferior and couldn't compare. So I just kept it to myself and occasionally a few close friends (cause their comments always give me a super confidence boost lol).

I loved making song covers on youtube. I stopped because I started losing confidence... and because I wasn't getting much attention. Maybe it was a bad comment, maybe it was a dislike on the video. Since then I've just stopped completely.

But what I want to convey is that: There will always be someone who disagrees, someone who dislikes it, someone who won't support or says it should generate money and be "sold". There will also be silent stalkers, those who read and see it but won't drop a comment or like or a single response, but they're there and they notice every thing you do. And there will always be people who will support and motivate you even when they have no idea what's good or nice or bad. They just support you because they're nice people and that's honestly so heartwarming.

So I do hope you will get to do what you love, and do it often.

I hope I will do so too. Blogging was one of the things I stopped doing then, and I've picked it up again, even if no one is reading. I do hope I won't get engrossed in the statistics of my blog again and get overwhelmed. I just want to do things that I love, with or without recognition.

I hope you resonated with this, and even if you didn't, I hope you'll find words to cheer someone up in your life who might feel this way as well.

Take care and have a great day ahead :) 

Hello hello! Thanks for reading my journal prompts today! :)

Today was quite a happy day for me. Do you watch Sixth Sense? It's a Korean variety show where they go around determining which out of 3 is the fake one using their sixth sense aka guessing powers HAHA. It cracked me up ever since it's debut episode. I was watching Episode 2 of the second season with le boyfie today. Laughed so hard every few minutes, it's one of my favourites!

And because I spent almost the whole day with le boyfie, I clearly forgot about my daily journal prompts. It's 11.31PM and I hope I'll have enough time to end this blog post today before sleeping hehe.

So who means the world to me and why?

If I have to list it down, the top 3 that comes to my mind are... my family, le boyfie, and my Cuddles!

This one's from my birthday earlier this year when the rules weren't as restricted as it is now. It really meant a lot to have le boyfie plan out so many things for my birthday! So so so grateful to have him in my life! He's been more than my boyfriend. He was my best friend, my other half, my partner in crime, and more! It's been 7 and a half years... and here's to many more years! One of the few people in my life who I can truly be comfortable and just be me :) 

And lastly, my 11 year old baby girl Cuddles! We adopted her when she was only a few months old, and she's been the one accompanying me since secondary school. My sis and I had different school timings back then, so she was my only company. I still remember the days where she'd chew on my fingers with her gums while I was studying for PMR hahaha. Having her around when no one else was was truly what I needed back then. Now, it doesn't feel right if I don't feel her around me when I go to sleep. Yes, she mostly sleeps with me. I just wish she didn't have to give me so many fart bombs....

Do I really need to elaborate the reasons as to why they mean the most to me? Hahaha. I just can't imagine what my life would be today without them in it. Wouldn't have it any other way either. Sometimes you just don't need so many reasons to justify your feelings. You don't need to have a reason or justification. You just need to feel it, and accept it.

❤