nat-xo.blogspot.com 🖤

 Hello hello!

Welcome back to another journal prompt where I pretend I'm talking to someone about myself hehe. I know not many people are even aware of my blog and reads it, but I like writing this out to lay my thoughts in bare sight. Who knows if the future me will read this and be like, wow, I was like that xx time ago? HAHAHA.

What do I love about myself? Back then I remember I was always super proud of my hair because it was super long and soft (yes thank you conditioner!!), and next after that would be having clear skin most of the time as well as being "smart". What about now? I wonder how much has changed since then.

Honestly I've been putting off trying to write this blog post because I'm not sure what it is I currently love about myself. My hair? I probably dyed and bleached it too much, and my hair falls too much now. I'm losing confidence in it haha. My skin too, the signs of aging and ever darkening eye bags are slowly creeping up on me. Finding faults is always easier eh? 

I've had this post drafted since last night but it's nearly 9PM now and I am still struggling to even answer this question. When was self love so hard?

I love that I still try to pull myself back up no matter how shitty I feel. I know my condition is the best and I'm always looking for ways to help myself back on my feet.

I love that I still take pictures of myself despite knowing that I'm not the prettiest, or that I won't get many "likes" on social media to validate my beauty, because I'm the only hype club I need.

I love that I still continued to like the things I like (even if it's in secret because no one else that I know likes them).

I love that I still listen to Japanese and Korean songs despite not fully understanding the meaning of the songs. Yet the emotions of the songs are still felt. I cry when the song is too sad, and some songs just make me happy immediately!

I love how I'm committed to my games HAHAHA. I literally spend 2-3 years on the same game without bothering about any other new games. My entire uni life was Age of Ishtaria, my work life so far was War of the Visions... and my only mini exception is Ragnarok because it's a game I get to play with le boyfie.

I still... can't name more than this on what I love about myself.. I even asked le boyfie what he loves about me just to get an insight on things that I might not have noticed about myself.. but all he said was "I can always be comfortable and be myself around you". Geez. That just made me feel happy about myself.

I love how I've changed from liking external things about myself, to internal things... just by reading what I've typed.

And it's suddenly past 11PM now... and I still can't come to a proper conclusion on how to end this post. I'll leave it here for now. 

Tata!

Hi! 💓

I just realized that I never shared where I'm getting these journaling prompts from! I'm following this post here by Lavendaire! I used to watch her YouTube videos all the time and listen to her podcasts. I don't know why exactly I stopped, but I like that her content will show up on my recommendation lists every now and then.

So to blog about today's journal prompt.... what are my priorities at the moment? What am I putting first in my life right now? What do I see as so important every day?

I'm sure the answer changes as season changes... but as of right now... only a few things seem to pop up in mind.

Among those priorities are my health, finance and hobbies!

Health wise, I had set back in June, if you've read this blog post here, you'll know that I've had some sort of health complications then. It's pretty human to only cherish the good health whenever we have health issues. We don't seem to appreciate enough what we have daily just because it seems so normal to be able to breathe, to move, to eat, to drink, and to do all our daily activities without a second thought. Only when we're troubled by discomfort or disease that we truly sit down to appreciate the state of good health and a healthy body.

Since then I've tried taking better care of my body. I've been exercising about 5-6 days a week now, I've been taking slightly more health supplements to nourish my body and more! I've tried taking vitamin C as well but I think it's a overkill for my body. It triggers my sinus the next day, same as when I eat oranges lol. My water intake is till roughly 3L a day so I'm not too worried about staying hydrated. I'm not on a diet anymore though, I thought it'd be much better to just eat my mom's cooking. I'll never know when I might not get to taste it anymore.

I've also been trying to take care of my skin! I've had two terrible pimple scars that won't seem to fade as you can try to see in the picture above. I've never really had trouble with my skin thus far but the lack of sleep during those horrible weeks in June have to quite a few pimple scars... It's fading now but I'll just have to maintain my skin care routine and get ample sleep huhu

Finance wise, I'm thankful for people constantly talking about investments and financial topics around me. I've started taking baby steps into making my money work for me! It's now a priority for me to set aside a fixed amount every month now for that, and I'm sure it'll only go up from there. Nothing major yet, but it's only been a few months. The returns I'm getting now are pretty good, can't wait to see how much this will accumulate and compound into in the next 5-10 years. I still monitor and record my finance daily so I end the month on a positive though! I hate it when it dips into the negative... Nobody likes that. Hahaha.

Hobbies... My hobbies tend to take a sharp turn every season. Sometimes I do too much and get bored, and I jump into the next wagon to keep myself entertained. Currently I'm interested in reading fictional books again! I'm currently addicted to the Eighty-Six Light Novel by Naoto Naoto, because of the anime episodes I watched last season! It was so good I just had to pick up the novel. I'm reading the latest volume right now, volume 7, ever so slowly because I can't find Vol 8 anywhere on the Internet, yet. 

Thanks to the current "stay at home" lockdowns that won't give me much chances to go out, I get to set aside time for my "self care" routine, which is now a priority since it's one of the few things that are keeping me sane. 

What are you doing to keep yourself happy at the moment? I know everyone is tired of lockdowns and just want to be a normal human being again like in 2019 lol. 

Let's meet up once this is all over and chill over a cup of coffee at a nice cafe yea?

I miss social interactions. (And interaction with the same people at home daily doesn't count eh?)

Take care!

P/S: I know the pictures I post constantly have nothing to do with the content of the blog post, but I can't help but feel my posts look sort of "empty" without pictures to fill it up with. Plus I do like taking pictures but I don't want to spam Instagram with constant selfies hence they all end up in a blog post without much context lol.

Ok bye!

Hello! :)

Hope you're having a great day thus far! Today's journaling prompt seems like it's gonna be a touch cookie to crack... until I read a post this morning. Which might or might not trigger a long rant post again...

I was reading a post by FourFeetNine earlier. It hit home right on the dot so I shared the post as well. I do hope you take a little bit of time to read it... because I felt the same way. Was it really OK for me to be smiling and happy and posting happy content while the rest of the country is suffering from COVID and it's aftereffects? 

I did probably did mention this in a few posts but I do count myself lucky and privileged to have the luxury of being physically and financially fine during this pandemic. I'm beyond thankful to be able to be where I am today, while many others aren't as lucky. And still, is it all right for me to take a deep breathe and exhale because I don't suffer from the biting effects of the pandemic? There's this tinge of guilt and uneasiness that hits whenever I want to share or post happy content... because it feels like I shouldn't be doing so?

I'm not sure how many of you understand what I'm feeling. Maybe that's why I resorted to blogging.. because after years of not blogging... I'm pretty sure hardly anyone comes here to read anymore... and I can express myself a bit more freely (although if you ARE reading, thank you for sparing me your attention!!). This is one of the many feelings that have been bothering my ever since the pandemic dragged on for over a year. Is it OK  for me to be one of the happy ones on social media when everyone is just tired and raging every day? I don't know anymore. And probably neither do you.

I'm also being bothered at how small my social circle is... at how... "close" my friendships are. Sometimes I sit back and just realize that I barely know my friends anymore. We do talk and catch up occasionally, but the gap between the times we meet up and don't... drags me to dust. Am I such a bad friend? I know deep down I've always been replaced by the better people in their lives, and I'll just be a memory of the "past times" we've had together. Yet I'm not a choice to be taken with you in the Present and Future, because of who I am. 

This issue has been following like the plague since I was a small kid. I'm not kidding you. I know I'm quiet, less social, always with a RBF and "lan ci" kind of face showing if I'm not purposely smiling, probably quite unapproachable and being the introvert that I am... I'm probably not your first choice of friend anyway. I've always wanted to change that bit of me but it's mentally challenging. My mind blacks out after an hour of interaction at most and I revert back to hide in my social shell. 

Have I mentioned before that I am aware of when I am being left out on purpose? When I'm not invited to certain events on purpose? When I'm not in group chats? When there's inside jokes or small throwbacks to times when I wasn't there? I can feel it all. The distance. I know people try to hide it from me. Not post events to stories until it's a throwback. Saying sorry after for the bojio and more. I'm tired. I'm glad I stopped bothering honestly, but it still hits me again, am I such a terrible person to have around? *shrugs* I don't even think I want to know the answer to that.

I'm sorry if I've been such a terrible friend... but I'll still cover your back if you need me. Heck, I probably say YES to almost any gathering or outings if I'm asked to attend. It's those moments that make me happier and believe more in friendships. 

Sorry for such a "down" post today! I've sneaked a peak at tomorrow's journal prompt and it should be a more happier toned blog post hehe.

Take care and good night 💓

 Hello!! 

Can I just say that a good morning workout is one of the best ways to wake up and start the day? Also because I get to wash my hair right after and it stays fluffy all day. If I wash it the night before, it kinda falls flat the next afternoon. Do you get this too? Hahahah. 

And now... what exactly are small victories? I had to google this one because I seem to only know victories as a collective. Lifehack says small victories are "anything you accomplish that aligns with your intentions. They can be related to work, personal or professional relationships, habit changes, and or finances."

And with that as reference... some small victories to celebrate eh?

• I have a better morning routine now. I no longer rush or drag myself forcefully out of bed... that's a win for me :)
• I have implemented a daily exercise routine in my life. Spending 30-40 minutes minimum has done wonders for me!
• I'm cutting back on clutter and I've been keeping my space more tidy and organized. Heck I've even cleared out my google photos, organized my browser bookmarks and reduced the number of tabs I have open. (If you know me, I always have plenty of open tabs haha)
• I've managed to consistently set aside money for investments! I didn't automate it yet so I could adjust it to my monthly spending, but I'm glad I made it a priority.
• Yesterday I adjusted some coding issues on the blog templates! Now it's working properly again!
• I'm feeling proud of myself for consistently using my Mossery planner this year... maybe it's because I'm always at home but I'm actually using it more often than the past 2 years!
• I've changed my skincare to a more natural option!
• I'm happy that I've explore more new local small businesses to support! I've actually fell in love with a bunch of em too

Still... I'm glad to be blessed by the Universe to be where I am today. Once again, thank you for reading my journal prompts posts and I'll see you tomorrow! :)

On another note... I'm still on the fence on getting a tripod... It'll be so much easier to take my own picture and OOTDs yet I wonder if it'll be worth the price. But using the rear camera makes my pictures look better huhuhu but also much harder to take a decent picture with since I'm going in blind.. We shall see if I cave in to make that purchase HAHAHA.

Take care till tmr lovelies!

Hello! I hope you're doing well and feeling happy today!

I woke up feeling great, and managed to drag myself into a 20 minute morning workout to get my systems up and running. For some reason, morning workouts always seem to make my days start better, even if it means I have to wash and dry my hair in the mornings haha. Drying long hair takes up so much time you know???

Anyways the journaling prompt for today makes me reminiscence so many wonderful things that have happened over the week. Shall we get started with my list of joy this week? Hehe!

When I get to watch anime and movies with moomoo

ROX gaming (brings back those Ragnarok days hahaha)

Talking to my WOTV community peeps on discord

Seeing thatlittlepuff's reels on Instagram (highly recommend the best cat chef!)

Anyone sending me cute funny reels or memes (yes thanks besties)

Getting my Shopee parcels ufufufu

Reviving my blog to blog again + updating my blog template! It's just the right balance of pretty, minimalist and simple!

When TingTing made me a cake

Finishing volumes of 86 light novel (currently at vol7 now!)

Catching up with the latest animes (so many shows to watch!!)

Reading Tokyo Revengers till the latest chapter (and now I'm sad that I gotta wait for more chapters)

Watching random Youtube videos that I subscribe to (I laugh a lot and just genuinely enjoy content from worldofxtra worldofmama heyitsfeiii peach amberscholl itsjinakim oanh wassupman shorteview miamaples and more) Sorry if it suddenly turned into a YouTube recommendation list lol!!

Doing daily workout videos! (thanks OppServe and GrowWithJo)

Getting collagen drinks and more from Rixile.co

When moomoo bought hot chocolate powder for me :D 

When Cuddles accidently fell off the bed while asleep 

Honestly right now I can't even tell if this is last week's or 2 week's worth of joy that's condensing into a single week. Pandemic lockdowns have really blurred the lines between days and weeks... I was even writing entries in July but I wrote the date as JUNE??? Yup... so many good things to look back on for this week. I'm pretty sure there's more joyful events and happenings that might have slipped my mind, but I like these kinds of journaling prompts that just make you see the good in the daily happenings!

I'm so sorry if my picture qualities are still quite bad... I'm gonna try to invest in a proper tripod so I don't have to rely on front camera quality HAHAHA. Here's a mlem Cuddles picture to end this post with. She's been in heat for awhile now... I hope it ends soon...

Take care! See you tmr :)

 Hello Day 5 of the Journaling Prompts series!

I'm liking this habit of journaling online daily. Gets some of the negative feelings out of my system! It feels like a habit I would want to instill into my daily life. Honestly I would like to do some of those actual journaling in journals with stickers and washi and all those journal decorations but I know myself, I'd get too lazy, and it brings out the perfectionist on how everything has to be "perfect" in that journal. At least blogging about it won't get me irritated by my own handwriting hahaha. Sometimes I wonder how much practice people put into achieving that aesthetic handwriting... *shrugs*

Now to get to the 10 things I'm grateful for... (which to me might seem repetitive because I've been mentioning it in the past few journaling posts as well!)

    1. I'm grateful for good health and a healthy body.

    2. I'm grateful for loving, healthy relationships in my life.

    3. I'm grateful to have a wonderful paying career with supportive colleagues.

    4. I'm grateful to have a place to call home with food on the table.

    5. I'm grateful to have zero financial worries, with spare to invest with.

    6. I'm grateful to have a wonderful online community to connect with during the pandemic.

    7. I'm grateful for the many books and podcasts that I can feed my soul with.

    8. I'm grateful for the workout programmes to keep my body moving daily.

    9. I'm grateful for the technology and social media and apps that allow communications daily!

    10. I'm grateful for choosing to revive my blog, even if no one reads it (hehe)

Now... that was a little harder than I expected it to be. Since I end up combining a few related things together, I actually froze at 7 things... had to crack my head for the last 3 things hehe. What about you? Did you take time to think what you're grateful for today? I usually have a gratitude app on my phone to remind myself to list down at least 3 things I'm grateful for on that specific day. I even have the reminder notification set daily so that I won't miss a day. I find a great way to end the day before sleeping. You should try it too! I highly recommend it :)

#10 might seem a little weird to you guys but... blogging was once my pride HAHAHA. It was the medium that secured me a trip to Korea for free, that got me invitations to events, that led me to met other people, and even today I wondered why I stopped...

I was super excited back then, I'd bug my mom to get a camera for me (twice!), and happily take pictures of almost everything everyday. I probably annoyed a lot of people, but at the same time I'm glad that I have a lot of pictures to look back on during those times... I stopped using the cameras once phone cameras became the "new camera" and well... that's what I'm using today haha!

Blogs aren't mainstream now but I did enjoy reading many people's contents back in the old days. Where people used to blog freely about their emotions without a care in the world. Being emo or happy or sad or just anything - putting in down in black and white made it all easier. Publish the post and that's that! Was so much better than Twitter. I quit twitter when I realized I was only using it to vent feelings and frustrations... it turned into an app I'd reach for only when I'm down and under, and I never want to always feel like that. So I got rid of Twitter from my phone hahaha.

Welp I'll stop here for today. Thank you for reading and I hope you get to list down things that you're grateful for today :)

 Hello again!

I'm full of energy now thanks to a productive morning! I missed my workout session yesterday evening, so for today I decided to go all out and did my workout first thing in the morning. Morning sweat sessions are always a great energy booster for the rest of my day hehe.

Then I had a cake pick up to do at Sunway! Thank you Ting Ting for the cake!! It's so pretty right? Here's a delicious picture for you to feast your eyes on.

So back to the journaling prompt today. What is going right in my life? 

I am quite happy with my life right now. I don't know what is going "right" or "wrong" as I can never tell what the future will bring but I'm positively happy!

I have a room to live in.

I have a car to drive

I am debt free.

I have a job and was promoted last year.

I am still getting paid despite the pandemic.

My loved ones are alive and well.

I have time to read, paint, workout, aka time for self love.

I have enough money to save and invest.

I have a positive mindset to face life head on.

I could list so many more things that I think is going right in my life... and yet at the same time all that I have could be a luxury for many others. I am just beyond grateful for everything I'm blessed with. The only thing that isn't going right would be my social life and the lack of proper "work" I have to do to keep my job. But I'm more than grateful. Life has to be balanced after all.

And I am just so so so grateful to be in a better position that many others. I do try to buy from small businesses every month. And I do try to share about them on my social media as well, but I'm not all that active on social media these days. Endless scrolling doesn't make me feel like I'm using my time right. If you are running a small business and I haven't reached out to support you yet... I am probably waiting for the time or reason to buy (or just selflessly promote yourself in my DMs hehe).

 Hello again! Today is Day 2 of the journaling prompts! What do I need more of in my life? The answer changes depending on who I am the current moment I guess.

If I was still in a busy state of work (like before lockdown), I'd want more time and energy.

If I was constantly worried over finances, I'd want more money.

If I was always in a bad mood, I'd want more relaxation and rest days.

The list goes on.

But right now? I'm in a state of languish. Languish is the lack of motivation, aim and happiness. I was constantly feeling this way since the lockdowns started, never knew the right term or word for it until Mossery posted about it yesterday on Instagram. Absence of purpose. That really sums up my lockdown. My work requires full time field work for me to be effective spending time. Sales work... is so much more productive with face to face meetings and body language ques, and being there to understand my clients better. It's just so different.

And so I've been spending more time playing games, reading books, watching YouTube videos, scrolling social media, occasionally painting or completing dot-to-dot pages, etc. I feel like I'm constantly in a state of flow without purpose.

I need purpose in my life for me. I wake up not knowing what I want to be doing. And it feels so empty. Some days I try to set goals for myself. Paint a page. Read a chapter. Complete the quests on the game. But it still feels like it's not a proper purpose in my life. It's not the steps to the big picture that I want. Being at home all time is nice and relaxing at first but once you're forced to stay at home? That's a different story alltogether.

I feel like I finally have time to do things that I've forgotten I love. Like painting. I still don't do it as often as I'd like because... well.. technology and being surrounded by screens... But I am thankful for time to enjoy my hobbies again. I wish I had more motivation to do this on a constant basis. Maybe then my skills would actually improve instead of being roughly the same...? Also my supplies are getting old... 

Maybe that's why I'm doing this 30 day journaling prompt challenge. To give some purpose into my daily life. Waking up knowing "I have to blog about this topic today!", sorta gives me something to look forward to later in the day. Even while typing this, I'm taking mini breaks in between. I'm even on a 4 weeks workout challenge at the moment! So far I'm on Day 25 and I'm loving the results I'm seeing despite not being on a proper diet or eating clean. I just needed a plan or schedule to follow to keep my body active during the lockdowns. Know what I mean?

I find these challenges much easier to do if I have a partner or friend doing it with me. But right now I'm doing it all alone hahaha. At the end of the day, I'm alone but not lonely. 

I want more social connections too. Staying at home all the time... I feel like I've forgotten how to speak to people. How to naturally be friends with people. How to start conversations to learn more about people. Please teach me how to be friends with people again... I feel so awkward talking to people now. As in physically talking. It's like my throat has forgotten how to speak.

I was walking Cuddles the other day, and I tried to greet the other people on their walks or exercise. I literally said "Morning!" when it's evening... and the uncle just smiled and nodded back at me. That was embarassing, not knowing what time of the day it is. Most other times all I do is smile and wave to the other folks. It's nice when they do the same nod and wave back. I haven't managed to go past that though. Occasionally it's just a few words of exchange, but I still don't know their names hahaha. Then again I only talk with like 2-3 people on a daily basis (le boyfie included) so I guess having a small circle is ok too. I'm sorry if I'm such a bad friend hahaha.

Well.. I guess I'm ending this blog post here.

Right now I need more aim and goals in my life, more social connections, and more purpose! Currently doing 2 types of challenges to keep myself in sync with life, maybe I'll pick another challenge up for my own wellbeing. Feel free to suggest any challenges that are good to do! :)

After publishing a post yesterday on my blog... I feel like writing was a great way to get my conscious thoughts out of my head instead of staying cramped up within me. I decided to follow a month's worth of daily journaling prompts as my blog post guides for the next 30 days. I'll keep the prompts as the titles for reference. 

Just a selfie update for you hehehe so this blog post isn't just words.

Right now I'm typing this post while listening to songs on Spotify... truly a blessing to have music in my life. The types of songs I listen to can change my mood instantly! I am feeling very calm these days, despite all the chaos and rush that's going on outside as COVID-19 continues to seep into everyone's daily lives. There are only things that I can do, that we all can do to prevent getting infected. Stay home? Check. Follow SOPs? Check. Wearing face masks when outside? Check. Keeping our physical distance? Check. Yet the spiral of never ending cases daily stems from those who chose to ignore the rules, those who continue to make exceptions, those who are ignorant to the results of their actions that will affect everyone around them. 

On the other hand I am pretty excited for dinner time to roll around. I feel like my evening routine is the only time of the day I look forward to daily. I start taking Cuddles on her evening walk if it's not raining, followed by a 30-40 minutes workout to keep my body active. Getting some movement into my daily life is much better than being a 100% couch potato hehe. I have dinner after my workouts so replenish my body with the nutrients it needs, then a short hour online to rest before taking a shower haha. Don't just my routine! To each their own hehehe.

My morning routine is still quite flexible... My body no longer wakes at the usual time I do when I prepare to go to work. There's no more sense of urgency, so my body slumbers on it's own until it's ready for the day. So my mornings are generally slow, but I do get my breakfast, my self time affirmations and a quiet moment to go through my thoughts... and catching up on Discord/Whatsapp/Instagram/email messages. I take my time to catch up on the happenings hahaha. Although I personally find mornings more productive when I have a work scheduled meeting or training session going on. If I can't get any of these on my work schedule I try to find a YouTube video or an article to get some pointers to improve my workflow in the future. Never stop learning... that's what they say :)

These aimless moments have gotten me do look forward to things that actually lay a path of things to do in order for me to feel motivated. Likes games with actual story missions to clear, or a target to aim for. Honestly games are the only thing giving me life during the entire pandemic. Really happy to have a lively game community to talk to daily. Never underestimate gamers!!! I used to be a f2p (free to play) player, but I've now transitioned to a dolphin spender... and by that I mean only spending on good deals or special bundles that come out on special events hahaha. Gacha games are still like gambling though, never will change but that's money I chose to spend. If anyone's ever known me for a while now, you'll know there's always a game on my phone that eats up all my memory space HAHAHA. That hasn't changed, it's just the name of the game that changes.

All in all I'm quite at peace with my life right now. Everything I have today was something I desperately prayed for, wished for, hoped for back when I was a small kid. I'm beyond grateful to be in a secure place in life right now, even if I can't seem to see what type of future I want for myself yet. Getting married? Having kids? Changing jobs? Investments? Getting a house? It's honestly hard for me to vision these things right now with the state of the country right now... I HAVE given thoughts about these, but it doesn't seem like the right time to unleash it right now. Seems I'm just building my savings before making that big move to take my life journey to another level.

So how do I feel at the moment? I feel relaxed in the mornings, a little aimless in the afternoons if I don't have a clear idea of what I need to do, or very focused if I do find something to do, and happily going through my evening routine as a break from the online world. Night times I feel the world slow down a little as I prepare to retire for the day. I do miss the social interactions with people outside of my family, so that's one thing I feel is missing from my daily life. But that's that, and I'll look forward to typing in another post for tomorrow.

Hope I didn't bore you if you did read this far. How are you feeling at the moment now? :) Take a moment to take a deep breathe and review your day. Maybe you'll discover something about yourself :)