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 Hello hello ❤

Once again.. the journaling prompt of the day made me delay it until night time... 

The topics are getting fairly difficult at this point. I've even read the prompts in advanced for the remaining days and it doesn't get easier. Haha. Well, it's journaling prompts for self discovery. If it's too easy I'm not really digging out my own inner thoughts eh?

I've even posed this question to le boyfie and he's stuck too HAHAHA.

I went on YouTube and Google just to try and see what other people on the Internet would share with the world... but it wasn't a great search result. In the end... I think I do have one message to share with the world, and myself.

It would be to keep doing what you love without caring for other people's opinions.

Often times we've found ourselves influenced by other people, we end up wanting validation or seeking permission to do what we want to do. We want our efforts and choices to be what the herd wants. We don't think it's the right choice because it won't give us likes, or attention, or made into a side hustle or business to generate money. We find so many reasons or excuses to back out of things that we truly want to do, and I hate that. Because I have that same mindset as well. 

I wanted to cosplay, didn't do it because everyone around me didn't seem to look at it in a good way. I admired those in my circle who actually had the guts to do it. I'd probably still remain a closet weeb LOL. Maybe one day I'll just do a self photoshoot at home to tick it off my to do list hahaha.

I want to share my paintings and creations with the world, but I didn't do it because I felt like it wasn't as good as the other beautiful artworks constantly circulating around on social media. It felt like my work was inferior and couldn't compare. So I just kept it to myself and occasionally a few close friends (cause their comments always give me a super confidence boost lol).

I loved making song covers on youtube. I stopped because I started losing confidence... and because I wasn't getting much attention. Maybe it was a bad comment, maybe it was a dislike on the video. Since then I've just stopped completely.

But what I want to convey is that: There will always be someone who disagrees, someone who dislikes it, someone who won't support or says it should generate money and be "sold". There will also be silent stalkers, those who read and see it but won't drop a comment or like or a single response, but they're there and they notice every thing you do. And there will always be people who will support and motivate you even when they have no idea what's good or nice or bad. They just support you because they're nice people and that's honestly so heartwarming.

So I do hope you will get to do what you love, and do it often.

I hope I will do so too. Blogging was one of the things I stopped doing then, and I've picked it up again, even if no one is reading. I do hope I won't get engrossed in the statistics of my blog again and get overwhelmed. I just want to do things that I love, with or without recognition.

I hope you resonated with this, and even if you didn't, I hope you'll find words to cheer someone up in your life who might feel this way as well.

Take care and have a great day ahead :) 

Hello hello! Thanks for reading my journal prompts today! :)

Today was quite a happy day for me. Do you watch Sixth Sense? It's a Korean variety show where they go around determining which out of 3 is the fake one using their sixth sense aka guessing powers HAHA. It cracked me up ever since it's debut episode. I was watching Episode 2 of the second season with le boyfie today. Laughed so hard every few minutes, it's one of my favourites!

And because I spent almost the whole day with le boyfie, I clearly forgot about my daily journal prompts. It's 11.31PM and I hope I'll have enough time to end this blog post today before sleeping hehe.

So who means the world to me and why?

If I have to list it down, the top 3 that comes to my mind are... my family, le boyfie, and my Cuddles!

This one's from my birthday earlier this year when the rules weren't as restricted as it is now. It really meant a lot to have le boyfie plan out so many things for my birthday! So so so grateful to have him in my life! He's been more than my boyfriend. He was my best friend, my other half, my partner in crime, and more! It's been 7 and a half years... and here's to many more years! One of the few people in my life who I can truly be comfortable and just be me :) 

And lastly, my 11 year old baby girl Cuddles! We adopted her when she was only a few months old, and she's been the one accompanying me since secondary school. My sis and I had different school timings back then, so she was my only company. I still remember the days where she'd chew on my fingers with her gums while I was studying for PMR hahaha. Having her around when no one else was was truly what I needed back then. Now, it doesn't feel right if I don't feel her around me when I go to sleep. Yes, she mostly sleeps with me. I just wish she didn't have to give me so many fart bombs....

Do I really need to elaborate the reasons as to why they mean the most to me? Hahaha. I just can't imagine what my life would be today without them in it. Wouldn't have it any other way either. Sometimes you just don't need so many reasons to justify your feelings. You don't need to have a reason or justification. You just need to feel it, and accept it.

❤

 Hello hello!

Welcome back to another journal prompt where I pretend I'm talking to someone about myself hehe. I know not many people are even aware of my blog and reads it, but I like writing this out to lay my thoughts in bare sight. Who knows if the future me will read this and be like, wow, I was like that xx time ago? HAHAHA.

What do I love about myself? Back then I remember I was always super proud of my hair because it was super long and soft (yes thank you conditioner!!), and next after that would be having clear skin most of the time as well as being "smart". What about now? I wonder how much has changed since then.

Honestly I've been putting off trying to write this blog post because I'm not sure what it is I currently love about myself. My hair? I probably dyed and bleached it too much, and my hair falls too much now. I'm losing confidence in it haha. My skin too, the signs of aging and ever darkening eye bags are slowly creeping up on me. Finding faults is always easier eh? 

I've had this post drafted since last night but it's nearly 9PM now and I am still struggling to even answer this question. When was self love so hard?

I love that I still try to pull myself back up no matter how shitty I feel. I know my condition is the best and I'm always looking for ways to help myself back on my feet.

I love that I still take pictures of myself despite knowing that I'm not the prettiest, or that I won't get many "likes" on social media to validate my beauty, because I'm the only hype club I need.

I love that I still continued to like the things I like (even if it's in secret because no one else that I know likes them).

I love that I still listen to Japanese and Korean songs despite not fully understanding the meaning of the songs. Yet the emotions of the songs are still felt. I cry when the song is too sad, and some songs just make me happy immediately!

I love how I'm committed to my games HAHAHA. I literally spend 2-3 years on the same game without bothering about any other new games. My entire uni life was Age of Ishtaria, my work life so far was War of the Visions... and my only mini exception is Ragnarok because it's a game I get to play with le boyfie.

I still... can't name more than this on what I love about myself.. I even asked le boyfie what he loves about me just to get an insight on things that I might not have noticed about myself.. but all he said was "I can always be comfortable and be myself around you". Geez. That just made me feel happy about myself.

I love how I've changed from liking external things about myself, to internal things... just by reading what I've typed.

And it's suddenly past 11PM now... and I still can't come to a proper conclusion on how to end this post. I'll leave it here for now. 

Tata!

Hi! 💓

I just realized that I never shared where I'm getting these journaling prompts from! I'm following this post here by Lavendaire! I used to watch her YouTube videos all the time and listen to her podcasts. I don't know why exactly I stopped, but I like that her content will show up on my recommendation lists every now and then.

So to blog about today's journal prompt.... what are my priorities at the moment? What am I putting first in my life right now? What do I see as so important every day?

I'm sure the answer changes as season changes... but as of right now... only a few things seem to pop up in mind.

Among those priorities are my health, finance and hobbies!

Health wise, I had set back in June, if you've read this blog post here, you'll know that I've had some sort of health complications then. It's pretty human to only cherish the good health whenever we have health issues. We don't seem to appreciate enough what we have daily just because it seems so normal to be able to breathe, to move, to eat, to drink, and to do all our daily activities without a second thought. Only when we're troubled by discomfort or disease that we truly sit down to appreciate the state of good health and a healthy body.

Since then I've tried taking better care of my body. I've been exercising about 5-6 days a week now, I've been taking slightly more health supplements to nourish my body and more! I've tried taking vitamin C as well but I think it's a overkill for my body. It triggers my sinus the next day, same as when I eat oranges lol. My water intake is till roughly 3L a day so I'm not too worried about staying hydrated. I'm not on a diet anymore though, I thought it'd be much better to just eat my mom's cooking. I'll never know when I might not get to taste it anymore.

I've also been trying to take care of my skin! I've had two terrible pimple scars that won't seem to fade as you can try to see in the picture above. I've never really had trouble with my skin thus far but the lack of sleep during those horrible weeks in June have to quite a few pimple scars... It's fading now but I'll just have to maintain my skin care routine and get ample sleep huhu

Finance wise, I'm thankful for people constantly talking about investments and financial topics around me. I've started taking baby steps into making my money work for me! It's now a priority for me to set aside a fixed amount every month now for that, and I'm sure it'll only go up from there. Nothing major yet, but it's only been a few months. The returns I'm getting now are pretty good, can't wait to see how much this will accumulate and compound into in the next 5-10 years. I still monitor and record my finance daily so I end the month on a positive though! I hate it when it dips into the negative... Nobody likes that. Hahaha.

Hobbies... My hobbies tend to take a sharp turn every season. Sometimes I do too much and get bored, and I jump into the next wagon to keep myself entertained. Currently I'm interested in reading fictional books again! I'm currently addicted to the Eighty-Six Light Novel by Naoto Naoto, because of the anime episodes I watched last season! It was so good I just had to pick up the novel. I'm reading the latest volume right now, volume 7, ever so slowly because I can't find Vol 8 anywhere on the Internet, yet. 

Thanks to the current "stay at home" lockdowns that won't give me much chances to go out, I get to set aside time for my "self care" routine, which is now a priority since it's one of the few things that are keeping me sane. 

What are you doing to keep yourself happy at the moment? I know everyone is tired of lockdowns and just want to be a normal human being again like in 2019 lol. 

Let's meet up once this is all over and chill over a cup of coffee at a nice cafe yea?

I miss social interactions. (And interaction with the same people at home daily doesn't count eh?)

Take care!

P/S: I know the pictures I post constantly have nothing to do with the content of the blog post, but I can't help but feel my posts look sort of "empty" without pictures to fill it up with. Plus I do like taking pictures but I don't want to spam Instagram with constant selfies hence they all end up in a blog post without much context lol.

Ok bye!

Hello! :)

Hope you're having a great day thus far! Today's journaling prompt seems like it's gonna be a touch cookie to crack... until I read a post this morning. Which might or might not trigger a long rant post again...

I was reading a post by FourFeetNine earlier. It hit home right on the dot so I shared the post as well. I do hope you take a little bit of time to read it... because I felt the same way. Was it really OK for me to be smiling and happy and posting happy content while the rest of the country is suffering from COVID and it's aftereffects? 

I did probably did mention this in a few posts but I do count myself lucky and privileged to have the luxury of being physically and financially fine during this pandemic. I'm beyond thankful to be able to be where I am today, while many others aren't as lucky. And still, is it all right for me to take a deep breathe and exhale because I don't suffer from the biting effects of the pandemic? There's this tinge of guilt and uneasiness that hits whenever I want to share or post happy content... because it feels like I shouldn't be doing so?

I'm not sure how many of you understand what I'm feeling. Maybe that's why I resorted to blogging.. because after years of not blogging... I'm pretty sure hardly anyone comes here to read anymore... and I can express myself a bit more freely (although if you ARE reading, thank you for sparing me your attention!!). This is one of the many feelings that have been bothering my ever since the pandemic dragged on for over a year. Is it OK  for me to be one of the happy ones on social media when everyone is just tired and raging every day? I don't know anymore. And probably neither do you.

I'm also being bothered at how small my social circle is... at how... "close" my friendships are. Sometimes I sit back and just realize that I barely know my friends anymore. We do talk and catch up occasionally, but the gap between the times we meet up and don't... drags me to dust. Am I such a bad friend? I know deep down I've always been replaced by the better people in their lives, and I'll just be a memory of the "past times" we've had together. Yet I'm not a choice to be taken with you in the Present and Future, because of who I am. 

This issue has been following like the plague since I was a small kid. I'm not kidding you. I know I'm quiet, less social, always with a RBF and "lan ci" kind of face showing if I'm not purposely smiling, probably quite unapproachable and being the introvert that I am... I'm probably not your first choice of friend anyway. I've always wanted to change that bit of me but it's mentally challenging. My mind blacks out after an hour of interaction at most and I revert back to hide in my social shell. 

Have I mentioned before that I am aware of when I am being left out on purpose? When I'm not invited to certain events on purpose? When I'm not in group chats? When there's inside jokes or small throwbacks to times when I wasn't there? I can feel it all. The distance. I know people try to hide it from me. Not post events to stories until it's a throwback. Saying sorry after for the bojio and more. I'm tired. I'm glad I stopped bothering honestly, but it still hits me again, am I such a terrible person to have around? *shrugs* I don't even think I want to know the answer to that.

I'm sorry if I've been such a terrible friend... but I'll still cover your back if you need me. Heck, I probably say YES to almost any gathering or outings if I'm asked to attend. It's those moments that make me happier and believe more in friendships. 

Sorry for such a "down" post today! I've sneaked a peak at tomorrow's journal prompt and it should be a more happier toned blog post hehe.

Take care and good night 💓